Ruminations of an Opinionated Woman

This post has been weeks in the making. We’ll see if an 8 PM written rendition has the same punch as its 11 PM sleepy, disorganized counterpart always seems to have.

This blog has been sleeping for the past six months. No, we have not gone into hibernation or fallen off the edge of the earth or stopped creating. We’ve both been too busy living to post our creative endeavors. Actually, I’m not sure that I’m really busier as a teacher than I was as a student. I do, however, get my creative fix very differently now. Maybe its the change from receiving to giving. Instead of blowing people away with my creations (exaggerated for effect), I work to pull creativity out of my students. Much of it is unintentional. It comes out of who I am rather than out of a drive to force my unimaginative students (or so they think) to think outside of their logical little northern Indiana boxes.

But back to the soap box that I’ve been building when I can’t sleep… I’m not sure how much of this soap box is made up of conclusions leading to convictions that I’ve been forming and what is actually just a very wordy excuse for not posting for six months. As the lull on this blog grew longer, I frequently felt guilty twinges. And just as often I stomped those twinges out because I think guilt for not blogging is irrational. What is it about a blog that gives me the freedom or even compulsion to pour out my heart to whoever stumbles across this bit of a website? Why do I work so hard to take beautiful pictures of the flawless part of my kitchen when in reality the rest of it is mediocre and far from what I consider blog-worthy? Why do I strive for perfection in the part of my life that I pour out to others? Especially when I get frustrated at the fact that some people think that everything Keturah and I make is a gigantic success.

I don’t know if my students catch on to this, but they can really get me going whenever I can lead the discussion to living counter-culturally. That means living according to and out of my Anabaptist heritage. It means not living the American dream. It means thinking hard about how my actions line up to Christ’s teachings in the Bible. I fail miserably. As I write this, I feel like a fraud. Just like I can preach lovely sermonettes to my students about the importance of loving our very near neighbors, I can sound okay on cyberspace. Only a fraction of the blog’s followers really know me. Do the opinions I type for the world to see match up to my life? I really hope so.

Do I blog counter-culturally? Or is this one place where I give in to the need to look and sound perfect? Is this a place where I meticulously follow current trends? You know blog speak…it’s the proper number of ellipses…the right amount of pouring out heart…the way fragments and run-ons are allowed.

What if I blog because I like the affirmation? Affirmation from some stranger who probably tosses likes onto anything he or she reads. But, oh, it’s so nice to see someone liked what I did.

Maybe counter-cultural blogging is absurd. Maybe it’s just Hannah not wanting to be cliché. Maybe it’s that very popular thing in our culture to be different, to be myself.

I’d love to hear opinions from friends and strangers. I’ll give you the answer I think I’ve formulated so far. Don’t worry, I don’t plan to start posting ugly pictures. I believe God created beauty and I get a rush out of creating beauty and perfection when I can. I also hope to post again soon. With less ramble and more picture next time. 🙂

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